Ullapool busybodies confused at how to moan about “loud bang”

Ullapool area busybodies have reacted with a mix of fear and outrage at the mystery ‘loud bang’ heard last week and with all the major geological, astronomical and military bodies obviously engaged in a cover up as to the true cause, a “fireball” is the proposed reason.

Ullapool Braes resident Jeremy Noble said “I’m appalled and discombobulated entirely if I’m honest.I’d usually like to moan about anything involving lights and sound and general employment for young people in the area, but unexplained phenomena like this? The mind boggles. It’s obviously aliens, bring on Brexit and secure our borders.”

Whilst preparing to drive to Dingwall for his shopping, Jez, 57 , said “It’s Loopallu this weekend, so hopefully I can get back to normality expressing my disgust in the local facebook group at that fun happening. Don’t let them trick you that this will be the last one either, they’ve tried that shit too many times before.”

A Daily Gael source in the Arch Inn said, “Don’t tell the Braes and Lochside lot. It was just one of the Lochinver boys gunning his Subaru down towards Leckmelm on the way to pick up some product in Inverness.”