Three day bender ends in council by-election



Controversy has erupted at once again at the Highland Council after a three day drinking bender resulted in a by-election.

Councillor Dave Williams who represents the Dingwall and Seaforth ward is reported to have dared fellow councillor Ronald Cormack to eat a pint of his own hair in an Inverness pub.

Cormack retorted with “I bet you can’t beat the barman in a fair publicly funded by-election for your seat on the Highland council”.

Eyewitnesses report that Williams accepted the bet by briefly passing out on a formal memorandum of understanding.

Although it cannot be verified, it is reported that the councillor ate the pint of hair intended for Cormack before several failed attempts to seduce a Vaulkswagan Passat.

21 year old barman and candidate Craig Emmerington 21 is optimistic about his chances:

“Mr Williams locked himself in the bathroom for 7 hours after closing time that night at which point he wrote me a list of crippling weaknesses and sexual perversions on a long sheet of loo-roll.”

“He really did gave me some fantastic material to use against him and I look forward to resurfacing his darkest fears at the formal hustings in November”.

“He also tried to claim 19 pints and a kebab as travel expenses so I think I’ve got him”.

“And he shat himself”.