Scottish Government formally declares “Taps aff”.
In a solemn hour long speech to Parliament First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has invoked the ancient decree that forces all Scottish residents to take their “taps aff” and act like a bam in the sun.
“We all have a sacred duty to uphold as citizens of this proud land” said Deputy First Minster and famous ruffian John Swinney while drinking a crate of Strongbow, topless in the park.
“Taps aff” cried all opposition leaders in a rare display of unity.
“Declaring taps aff is a reserved matter for Holyrood but the consequences of this could be dire” said Scottish Secretary David Mundell. “I for one will be keeping my hat and parka on”.
The declaration of “taps aff” does not apply in the Western Isles due to windburn related complications and a genuine heartfelt love for jumpers.