Rangers fan “Those smoke flares really impaired my sense of smell & taste and gave me a dry cough”

Celebrating the much anticipated ’55’, loyal Rangers fans congregated in their thousands outside The Big House at Ibrox to mark their general peopleness this weekend. A glorious return to normality for Scotland after a decade of Peter Lawell scaring referees into going easy on Scott Brown and only party poopers Nicola ‘Nippy’ Sturgeon and Wee Dougie Ross condemning the banter and craic of the Queen’s XI supporters for breaking COVID protocols.

The Gael spoke to staunch Ger Derek McEwen who was at the gates of Ibrox and George Square to join the highjinks by phone this morning. “Fantastic, don’t even have to go to the Piggery to win it. WEARRAPEEPHOLE *cough*cough*cough*”

Despite the euphoria from a weekend of celebration, Derek was audibly suffering a bit under the weather “The hangover this morning, I’m really sweating out those cans of Blackthorn, *cough* totally worth it after ten years of Craig Whyte, Charles Green, Pedro, *cough cough* Murty, Warbs’ magic hat, the Petrofac on the fourth attempt, Hibs and Hearts, then we got and spoil that lots Ten in a Row with an asterisk, *cough cough* when we got Stevie G in and I tell you *cough cough* he’s not bad *cough cough* for a Taig. The *cough cough* Gaffer *cough cough* is a legend.”

Starting to struggle with his breathing Derek continued “Sorry bout this must be the *cough cough* smoke from the flares the young team were launching. *cough cough* Cunts will have *cough* have a go about us doing *cough* this in a pandemic, but it’s not like it was a Black *cough* Lives *cough*Matter *cough* protest or when we rioted against the O*cough*B*cough*F*cough*A and wore masks, nae cunt *cough* was wearing *cough*them. Just a nod and a wink *cough*from our brothers in the Polis*cough*. “

Derek closed, saying he hoped to see Two in a Row himself “Have to go,*cough* the Missus says the room is stinking but I can’t smell a thing, just the acrid smell of being one of the chosen. Follow follow. *cough cough cough cough cough*.”