Planet Earth “I’m just holding on until they finish off Star Wars properly”

The celestial body known as Planet Earth has been given its dying wish of seeing the trailer of Episode IX of the Star Wars Saga “The Rise of Skywalker”.

Earth, also known as Gaia by some hippies from Scoraig, has been suffering from several ailments over the last few years and has been only given a few decades to live. But with the release of the closing chapter of the decades long story originated by George Lucas in 1977 set for December 20th this year, the planet has decided to give up the force-ghost.

Speaking to the Daily Gael, Earth said; “Gotta admit, I’m a fan boy as we were both created by a benevolent megalomaniac with impressive beards and I have a total fan-planet boner for this latest trailer, TIE Fighters, the Emporer, even that chick Rosie from the last film. Even with the prequels and stuff, you have to give it good will for Empire alone. All these recent weather events? All down to The Last Jedi mate, but I’ve been holding on to see what JJ Abrams comes up with when he has to be original and not just do a Force Awakens type rip off. But yeah, once I catch a couple of screenings of the new film, we’re taking coastal flooding and serious temprature hikes. I’m done man, and no cunt wants to see those guys from Game of Thrones fuck it up.”

Planetary extinction doesn’t seem to bother Earth “I’m actually quite excited, Tatooine is my favourite planet in the whole saga and I think when I’m just one massive ecosystem of desert then that’ll be awesome. I hope I have Jawas and shit once all you humans die.”