People of Tain wondering how they’ll screw up getting a new school this time

With the news that Tain Royal Academy has won Highland Council’s for backing for a new school because they got the most blue tokens in the local Tesco or something, people are wondering how soon it’ll be before the Tain folk managed to fuck it up.

With Chair of care and learning and housing committee Cllr John “Slippy” Finlayson seemingly on a mission to visit every school in Highland Council except Bun-sgoil Ghàidhlig Phort Rìgh in order to inform the decision making process, the council decided to give the go ahead to a 3-18 campus by putting it to the top of their Scottish Governments New Schools Investment Programme bid.

The decision, accompanied by a press release with several high ranking officials and councillors talking about how innovative they were at doing something proposed about ten years ago, has been welcomed initially by the populace of the Royal Burgh, famous for people pronouncing Glenmorangie wrong.

However, many previous plans have fallen through due to the simple fact that Tain folk will fall out with themselves in an empty room.

“If there’s anything more I hate than people from Dornoch, it’s people from Golspie, but I hate even more where they are putting the new school, I’m going to moan a whole lot, fall out with my neighbours, and then we’ll probably miss this funding cycle as well.” said Debbie Robertson.

“My guess, is a boy from Port will probably drive over John Swinney’s foot when he comes to give us the cheque. In my opinion, we’d be better off just going down and nicking Alness’ new school, it’s not as if anybody down there would notice.” said Trevor McGillvray.