Nigel Farage Ascends to Twathood

Nigel Farage has transcended the mortal realm after resigning his leadership of the United Kingdom Independance party.

“It was like nothing I have ever seen” said Bryan Thompson who was present at the ascension.

Farage appeared to float high above the crowd as a chorus of eurosceptic angels sang sweetly about how shit Belgium is.

The “Twattening” was followed by a serious of unexplained UKIP phenomena:

The channel crossing was instantly widened by 14,234 miles while packets of Tortellini transformed into bumper packs of no nonsense good old fashion mince.

Polish people for miles around instantly became Australian; widely regarded as an acceptable type of foreign.