Mystic Murdo: An Giblean 2015

A bheil thu aonarach, gun stiùireadh no nad amadan? Ma tha, is cinnteach gun còrd Horoscope na Mìosa le Murdo riut!

Are you lonely, directionless or an idiot? If so then Mystic Murdo is the Horoscopestician for you!                                     

Pisces (An t-Iasg)

Bi mothachail air bagairt farsaing na Rùise. Ma chì thu Vladamir Putin no ceannard dùthcha eile gun lèine air (no oirre) tog do chasan.

Be aware of the existential threat from Russia. If you see Vladamir Putin or any other shirtless heads of state make a speedy getaway.

Aries (An Rùda)       

Ma chluinneas tu fonn na mara dèan cinnteach nach eil thu anns a’ mhuir na a’ coimhead “Coast” air BBC 2.

 If you hear the sounds of the sea make sure that your are not in the sea or watching “Coast” on BBC 2.

Taurus (An Tarbh)

Tha Mars agus Iupatair a’ tighinn tarsainn a chèile ach na gabh, cha thachair dad sam bith.

Mars and Jupiter will cross each other’s path but don’t worry absolutely nothing will happen.

Gemini (Na Twins)

Na bi an dùil ri dìnnear oidhche Shathairne. Ma choiseachas cuideigin seachad ort innis dhaibh nach eil thu toilichte.

Don’t expect dinner on Saturday. If somebody walks past you tell them you’re unhappy.

Cancer (An Crùbag)

Bidh do bheatha fhathast gun chiall is gun amas ach feuch gun còrd e riut. Is toilichte am fear a leanas na sprèidh.

 Your life will still be pointless but try and enjoy it. Happy is the man who follows cattle.

Leo (An Cat mòr)  

Bidh sabaid ann Diardaoin a bheir dhut spèis nas fhèarr air bogsadh Mauy-thai agus cho luath ‘s a tha na seibhisean-èiginn.

 Thursday’s fight will give you a greater respect for Mauy-thai boxing and the speedy response times of the ambulance service.

Virgo (Am Boirreanach)

Na èist ri na Barraich. Tha iad ag iarraidh an t-seada.

Don’t listen to the Barrafolk. They only want the shed.

 Libra (An Scèile) 

Tha an t-àm ann Reggae a thoirt air ais chun na charts. Seas an àirde agus gabh an cothrom.

The time has come to bring back Reggae. Stand up and be counted.

Scorpio (A’ Bhiastag)

Uireannan feumaidh tu a bhith dàna agus do bheachdan a thoirt seachad ge bith cò a dh’èisteas. Cha bhiodh sin freagarrach aig an tòrradh ged-tà.

 Sometimes you have to be brave and make your opinions known. This however would not be appropriate for the funeral.

Sagittarius (An t-Each-duine)

An duine a thuirt gur e coin ar càraidean as fhèarr. Chan fhaca e riamh hamstair air skateboard no Parrot ag ràdh “banana”.

The man who said that dog was man’s best friend had obviously never seen a hamster on a skateboard or a parrot saying “banana”.

Capricorn (Rùda eile?)

Tha a’ chroit cho mòr agus chan eil Alpacas ach beag. Smaoinich air. Mmmm! Blasta!

Consider this. The croft is big and Alpacas are small. Mmmm! Scrumptious!

Aquarius (bodach-mara greannach)

Ith marag agus “Werthers Originals” a-mhàin. Is iad na “roinnean-bidhe” agad o seo a-mach. Ma tha cuideigin caol a’ coimhead toilichte tha iad reamhar nan inntinn.

Only eat black pudding and “Werthers Originals”. They are now your only foodgroups. Any thin person who looks happy has a fat brain.