Lesbians crowdfund thousands for Ulva buy-out – demand to rename it “Vulva”

The Ulva community buyout has been given a boost from an unlikely source, several thousand micro-donations from Lesbians based around the world.

There is one small catch however for the delighted six strong population of the island off the coast of Mull, the group have asked if they can add a V to the front of the name.

Nancy Gethins, spokesperson for the crowdfunder said, “It would be such a positive step for LGBTQ+ rights in Scotland to rename Ulva Vulva. It was a big disappointment when Bute stopped being called Penis Island  in Gaelic for our gay Brethren. Lesbos is so commercialised these days, and with the drop in the pound against the Euro we need a nice cool place in Britain for the sisters to hang out and make pottery away from the Patriarchy and their bullshit.”

Local Mull man, Seumas MacQuarrie, whose only experience of Lesbianism was that kiss on Brookside in the 90s said; “I’ve heard Mull called the Flower of the West, but this is ridiculous.”

Also somewhere on Twitter the whole renaming thing turned into some dumb shouting match about gender between Trans extremists, alt-right assholes and other malcontents. It made very little difference to anyone else’s day.