Killer Whales on the Clyde desperately trying to find a Greggs

A pod of killer whales spotted in the Clyde estuary near Dunoon are desperately searching for a Gregg’s bakery.

Experts initially believed the pod had been attracted to the Clyde by the abundance of seals and porpoises.

“Experts! What a f*cking joke man, we are here for Greggs!” said one whale.

“£2 for a square sausage and flat white! You dinnae get that in fuckin’ Greenland by the way.”

Onlookers were visibly moved as a mother taught her young calf how to feed.

“STEAK BAKE FOR THE WEAN” echoed her cries of joy.