Idiot Tourist asks about 3G


An idiot tourist has caused disbelief after asking a pub owner about 3G mobile internet in Applecross. The Publican is believed to have stared at the tourist silently for exactly 147 minutes before slapping the visitor’s half pint to the floor and laughing till he fucked off.

“The wifi here hasn’t worked since 2006 and even if it did the all the passwords were written in Gaelic then burned” said Pub owner Donald MacKinnon.

“It is only recently during a trip to Glasgow that I realised 3G wasn’t a type of engine oil.”

Applecross is famous for it’s rugged mountain scenery, remoteness and bendy super death road.

The idiot – named locally as Regatta Twat – is said to be recovering in a Starbucks in Inverness before setting out once more to Instagram photos of bedraggled sheep to his well dressed but uncaring colleagues:

“I am shaken” said Regatta Twat,  “but it’s the Easter weekend and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to park this caravan in every passing place in Wester Ross!”