Health Board denies bullying, admits to Chinese burns and Noogies

With the hashtag #MeTooNHSBullying trending across the Highlands, the local Health Board have come out strongly to deny that the organisation has an issue with bullying.

A press release from the board said “We take any allegation of bullying seriously, but it’s just a little bit of high spirits as far as we can tell. Boys being boys and girls being sociopathic bitches to each other on social media.”

“We want to get to the bottom of this but it’s not the constant barrage of institutionalised, psychological torture as portrayed in the press where long serving, dedicate members of staff have suffered depression and other forms of mental illness. We’ve done an internal review and it comes down to the fact that someone from the finance department gave a nurse a noogie in the corridor.”

“And okay maybe a senior manager or two gave a high-ranking clinician a dead arm, but it wasn’t like before they did surgery or anything.”

“I think the politically correct term is “friction burns” now by the way. Look, what’s that over there?” the press release concluded. Mysteriously, a news article about Comhairle nan Eilean’s response to an anti-bullying petition had appeared on our windowsill…