Haggis Wielding Thug Disrupts School Fete again

SNA2638B---_1899651aFor the 6th year running a school fete in the Strathspey region has been ruined by a pudding wielding local.

“Ever since my  great uncle Boris first rode his horse drunk and naked into a beat the Goalie competition in 1946 my family have been ruining fetes in this area” says Donald Cowan, Fete ruiner and IT consultant.

“In 2009 my father replaced all the coconuts at the bean bag shy with Guinea pigs. It was a hell of an act to follow.”

However not all parents and teachers were unanimous in their support:

“Look we would all love to ruin this shitty school fete or at least not to have to show face but we still turn up and pretend not to hate each other for the sake of the school” says concerned parent DJ Macleod.

“The annual school fete wouldn’t be quite the same without the crushing suspense and dread we all feel before Donald bursts in ruining everything” says headmaster Lynn McCormack.

“However the fete raised only £116 last year and Donald caused over £37,000 in damages.”

To spite criticism and repeated arrests Donald was quick to defend the practice tradition:

“It’s like first footing or hating your wife’s mam.  Just gotta be done like.“

But it is getting harder and harder to practice the profession amid stricter health and safety rules:

“You can barely run into a school playground frantically waving a haggis on a string without someone calling the police or punching you in the face.”

“Its PC gone mad!”

However Mr. Cowan remains defiant and already making plans for next years Fete:

“Technology has opened up previously unheard of opportunities in the fete ruining industry. This year I plan on strapping a Ghetto blaster to my head and live tweeting the entire event.”