Good Month for Calmac

Caledonian MacBrayne ltd. is celebrating another successful month with sales down by a mere 97.4%

The Uig – Lochmaddy run should be up and running again by mid 2019 and Calmac are offering all other customers alternatives sailings scheduled for when they are old or dead.

The company has stressed the need to keep the vital Raasay – Sconser route running at all costs, without which the economy of the entire western seaboard could collapse.

We asked a Calmac spokesman to comment on the ongoing industrial action.

“We assumed that industrial action meant workers taking action to fix all things things and sail all the boats. This does not appear to be the case.”

Calmac has also issued this advice to travelers:

“Orkney and Shetland are lovely at this time of year particularly if you have an interest in wind or puffins”.

“And as for the locals, I would seriously consider taking the plane or moving away”.

“There really is very little to worry about though… apart from the impending demise of Calmac, global warming and Ebola.”