God on Old Firm game – “I let Celtic win to punish Sabbath breaking Protestants.”

The Lord God Almighty has stated in the wake of Celtic’s 4-0 thumping of Rangers in the Scottish Cup Semi-Final on Sunday that he let it happen to punish Sabbath breaking ‘Gers fans.

Mr Yah Weh, (infinity) said, “I was just getting a bit tired of the hypocrisy y’ know. If these guys were the great Proddies that they claim, they’d have been in church, singing pure psalmody, and dressed austerely in a black suit.”

“I know it was a 2.30pm kickoff so they could technically have caught the morning service and then gone to an evening prayer meeting but I’m fairly dubious about that.”

“Hopefully, this will get the lads back to the true gospel instead of spending Sunday aggressively drunk in the Louden Tavern or the Lochmaddy Hotel, singing songs about the Pope (who’s a real nice guy this time around btw) and denying their club died and came back to life. My own lad did that and people seemed pretty impressed, they should just chill and roll with it.”

The King of Kings , despite sharing a moniker with Henrik Larsson stated categorically that He didn’t have a dog in this particular fight; “When it comes to the Old Firm. I really don’t care either way. I mean I’ve got Muslims pointing at the sky, Catholics crossing themselves, Roy MacGregor praying overtime to keep County up; there’s just a lot of demands in the in-tray from sports people and fans.  I’m easy really, I mean, I’m probably edging towards a liberal C of S viewpoint these days tbh.”

The Lord also revealed that he used to be a Dons fan, “I was the originator of the chant “the sheep are on fire” when the Hebrews used to offer me up burnt lamb and Fergie was manager but these days I think Scottish football is shite and mostly watch Spanish games from the Sky.”