Germans going to buy all the tickets for Runrig’s last gig

With the news that veteran Gaelic rockers* Runrig will be calling it quits after 45 years in the music business next summer, the population of Lower Saxony and various other Lander are getting ready to use their spending power to make sure that they buy all the tickets up.

Jurgen Clansman of Hamburg said, “We want to ensure not one daft young Uist girl called Mairi-Claire is sick on the back of our cagoule or any drunken Skye louts push their way to the front and sing too loudly. Runrig gigs are to be enjoyed best sitting down, with polite applause and a fresh XXL tour t-shirt.”

Indeed the pressure has been so much that newly re-elected Chancellor Merkel has promised to ensure the people of Germany can enjoy one final unspoiled gig as part of her Jamaica Coalition talks.

Frau Merkel said in a statement to the Bundestag; “We have prepared for this day for a long time, and I have released a financial package which dwarves that which we gave to those Greeks significantly. Donnie sang Tear Down These Walls on Searchlight , and just like that, a year later it did, so as a young fraulein in East Germany, I got into politics so that I could meet him when he too also had a successful career in politics.”

She did strike a concilatory note however. “We do appreciate that Runrig have given so much to our country, and we would say to the people of Scotland, we are not here to stop your fun. We leave that to the Danish fans.”

*Copyright every patronising Lowland tabloid rag since 1986