Ed Balls Promises even sexier Name

Ed Balls has made a last minute plea to sexually frustrated undecided voters:

“I will change my name to the hottest fucking thing you can think of if you vote Labour” said Balls, speaking at a gathering in Basildon community hall.

“Literally anything, get ready from some no holds barred unadulterated name changing”.

Tha labour PR team have begun taking suggestions through social media as to what the sultry new name should be with “penetrative sex” and “fuck off Ed Balls” emerging as clear front runners.

“Labour have clearly lost the plot!” said Conservative candidate Dave Tupham. “The last thing Britain needs is a man with an inappropriately sexy name being propped up by the SNP!”