Crofting just Shit Farming


Breaking research has discovered that Crofting is simply farming but shit.

Crofting incorporates all the negatives of farming such as working outside and smelling like poo without any of the established financial benefits.

Colin MacManus a spokesman for  Scotland’s agricultural college stated that “Crofting is like trying to shave your balls with a stone. It takes a huge amount of effort and ruins your life.”

“I have really struggled to feed my family of five on this year’s turnip” says Skye crofter Dòmhnall MacIvor.”

“Sometimes at night I dream I am on the BBC’s Countryfile surrounded by dairy cows amongst fertile Shropshire fields then I wake up and remember that I am trapped in this nightmare growing malformed carrots in a bog with a fence round it. ”

We asked Donald why he perseveres with the lifestyle:

“I thought about sticking a wee holiday cottage on the land the land but it will only be full of caravan drivers for 3 weeks and get blown away mid Autumn. One of my border collies just left the just other day. He says there is no future in this. I think he is working in a call centre now.”

“The only thing growing here is my sense of despair”.