Buachaille Etive Mòr flumes get go ahead despite killjoy bonglie climbers

With a controversial Hydro scheme in Glen Etive pushed through by Highland Councillors , seemingly only famous because it was in that one James Bond film, another scheme has been forced through for the area which has enraged lots of mountain-climber types.

The Stob Dearg Kamikaze!!! starts at 2500ft, shooting down into scenic Glencoe below. A second chute, named the ‘Booyakilla’ in tribute to the mangled pronunciation of many a Munro Bagger is planned for phase two of the project.

“It’s a no-brainer for the area” said private Flume tycoon developer Dillard Wicks, “With global warming, the White Corries won’t be so White so we need to attract tourists with innovative ideas, and since my ideas for a Jimmy Savile Museum idea went south a few years ago, this was the second best idea I could think about.”

“It’s not that the schemes are run by blatant private profit for the benefit of absentee landowners with a pitiful return for the community that boils my kendall mint cake, but the fact that the queues will be so damn long!” said avid climber Campbell AD McLaren, radiant in his yellow North Face cagoule.

It has been announced that locals will get a 50% discount and that Highland Councillors will get a special brown envelope of tokens delivered in a layby near the Corran Ferry which they can use at non-peak times on the flumes.