Breascleit Monkey was just Carloway Man who got lost on Pentland Road

With the Isle of Lewis obsessed with a story about a grey monkey on the loose in Breascleit whilst the Isle of Harris is parcelled up and sold to the highest bidder, the Daily Gael uncovered the truth behind the rumours.

With theories extending from it possibly being an escapee from Bernard Chisholm’s own version of Dr Moreau’s Island, to just a very large cat from Bernera who couldn’t get home because they don’t like the new bridge – it emerged it was just one of the many members of the Carloway Gaelic choir who got lost on the Pentland Road in the mist.

“Cha robh mi riamh ann am Breascleit” thuirt am fear Charlabhighh, who refused to give his name as he bared his teeth in a show of dominance and threw his own faeces (at least we think it was his own) at us. “Ach innsidh mi seo dhuibh, tha mise air a bhith beò san Jungle airson dà fhichead bliadhna agus tha Breiscleit nas cunnartaiche na sin!”

The Comhairle’s Cryptozoology unit, which deals with mythical creatures such as Niseachs who still speak Gaelic regularly, Legitimate Comhairle Expenses Claims, and the werewolves that live on the islands in Loch Langabhat said “We really should have known that it was one of muinntir Charlabhaigh because it could sing a sweet Cia-ora and was dressed nattily in a black shirt and blue tie.”