Blue bins “completely fucked”.

Blue bins across the Highland and Islands  have bid an emotional goodbye to their nearest and dearest in preparation for the arrival of storm Henry.

“We all knew the risks when we signed up” says Dave McLaren a community Councillor and large blue bin from the north of Skye.

“For 8 years now I have ensured that the people of Kilmuir have been able to recycle clearly non recyclable items, food stuffs and animal carcasses”.

“If I die I do so doing what I love, which is providing minimal shelter to terrified livestock, a West Highland Free Press and an egg carton.”

The phenomenon of bins being left out in 90mph wind is unique to the Highlands and islands and remains unexplained. However, scholars have recently attempted to link the practice to both an ancient mistrust for throwing thing away, various vendettas against the local authority and of course the drink.

Support for the practice seems to be widespread:

“I couldn’t imagine life without it. Nothing says winter in the Uists like being nearly decapitated by a bin.” said Dòmhnall MacKinnon of Bornis while painting his roof and testing out his lovely new kite.