Baby Boxes too dangerous says man who supports storing Nuclear Weapons next to Glasgow

Concerned citizen Toby Anderson has drawn a line in the sand with regards to health and safety.

“Boxes full of gifts for expectant mothers are reckless and dangerous and must be banned.”

“Just look at Finland. That’s right. You can’t. Because it’s gone. Killed by baby boxes. Sad.”

“I am however all for keeping enough nuclear munitions to make Hiroshima look like a prohibited Loch Lomond campfire 33 miles from Glasgow.”

Experts agree that it makes sense to keep our nuclear weapons close to the bulk of the population as there will be more people to look for them if they go missing.

“Keeping nukes on the Clyde is the safety equivalent of cuddling your toaster in the bath – if your toaster had the capacity to end human history” said Toby’s mum.

“I would also like to add for the record that Toby is a fanbelt.”

The Scottish Government have been quick to respond:

“The fact that cardboard is flammable took us all by surprise. This is the exact same reason we don’t build things using wood.”