A Crack Guide to Anti-Gaelic Trolls

1. The Deeply Unloved

100% FYOOMIN. This is your base level vanilla troll. Inhabits the Scotsman comments section. Externalises their inner pain by ranting about how Gaelic was never spoken in *insert Gaelic placename*


2. The Russian Bot
Generated by the Motherland to shitpost about literally everything, including Gaelic. 60 tweets per minute, and none of them make sense. The true workhorses of arsehole Twitter.


3. Defender of the UNION

The Union is in peril and some random fanbelt (often from Ayrshire) is here to save it. Believes an ancient language was invented by the SNP in the 50s to separate us from our English friends. Personally fought in both world wars.


4. Rangers Da

The shock troops of the Orange Order online. Convinced the existence of Scottish Gaelic is a ploy to unite Ireland. Blissfully unaware that the world’s biggest Rangers supporters club is in Lewis. More gammon pink, than red and blue.


5. Fake Gael (Fael)

Usually starts with “my father was a Gaelic speaker from Auchterbollocks”. “He never passed it on, so me and my 12 raging sisters could learn English and get on in life.” Thinks Gaelic died out because Gaelic speakers loved English so much. Doesn’t exist.


6. Jackson Carlaw
Famously invented the ridiculous rumour that Gaelic road signs cost the taxpayer £26 million a year. In reality it is only £24 million. The other 2 mil is spent on hats for Dòtaman and buses to the Mòd.

Jackson Carlaw becomes leader of Scottish Conservatives | Politics ...

7. Pro-Mandarin Zealots

Would turn blue with rage if they heard Mandarin in “BRITUHN” yet demand Gaelic speakers learn a useful language like Mandarin. Plan to make us bilingual, by harassing all the bilinguals. Just so they can say “Mandarin was never spoken in Nairn”.