7 best places in the Highlands to take a dump outside

With public toilets in the Highlands to be shut down, what better time to enjoy the World’s most iconic views whilst engaging in the most natural of all things?  Here are the Gael’s favoured places in the Greater Inverness area to drop a deuce.

1. Slioch

Can’t get better than this beaut of a mountain towering over Loch Maree. “Leave me to my solitude and let me wander free”. Fergie might have made number one in the charts with that classic, but here he’d make number two on the sharts.

2. Smoo Cave

The prized “number two” spot on our list goes to Smoo Cave in Durness, or should we say Poo Cave? Yes we should! 

3. The Fairy Pools

It’s probably a load of made up shite that these lovely waterfalls on the slopes of the Cuillin were ever called the Fairy Pools by anybody but strange hillwalking bonglies, so where better to do one? If you are lucky some Indian tourists might even take your picture.

4. Glen Affric

Does a bear shit in the Woods? Well, so should you and where better than the Ancient Caledonian Pine Forest in Glen Affric?

5. Wick

What’s got one eye and stinks? Let’s face it, it’s the most fun you’ll have here and it’s quicker than going to the toilets in Spoons.

6. Cawdor Castle

Take a big steaming crap on this historical landmark in the same way Shakespeare did on Scottish History with Macbeth. (Fun fact, the name of the village, castle and clan was changed from Calder arbitrarily overnight in the 19th Century by some toff.)

7. Glenurquhart Road

A little out of town if you’re desperate but near the City’s vibrant Cathedral Quarter. Plenty of nice shrubbery around as well.