3 Scenic Highland Spots to abandon that Special Someone

The heart wants what it wants and sometimes it just wants to abandon someone in the wilderness. Perhaps you have taken out a handsome life insurance policy on a less than handsome partner. Perhaps you wish to take the edge off a breakup, knowing that abandoning someone to near certain death is much easier than having “the talk”. Either way. No judgies.

Minimise suspicion and ensure  that your last day together is filled with magical moments and  imminent danger with our handy guide.

  1. Dounreay Nuclear Reactor

“Do the things that you always wanted to, without me there to hold you back, don’t think just do” ― Snow Patrol

Give new meaning to the phrase “you are positively glowing darling” with a thorough tour of the nuclear reactor at Dounreay near Thurso. Bring an attractive lead based outfit for yourself suit and make sure to take your time lingering anywhere that is glowing. Use the radiation. Develop superpowers. Move on and be you. Should this fail, consider abandoning you partner on equally inhospitable Thurso High Street.

  1. St. Kilda in the off season

“Cry Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness” — Steve Maraboli

St. Kilda bustles in Summer. Tourists throng through its ancient settlement and Puffins fornicate loudly on the cliffs above. Magical. In winter there will be very few boats and limited opportunities for escape. Be wary of the local MOD helping out your soon to be ex. They will surely abandon them to the fulmars when they realise you are on a journey to a new you.

  1. The tiger enclosure at Highland Wildlife Park.

“Tigers are extremely fucking dangerous”- Dave, Tigerologist

Lure your significant other into a false sense of security with a thoughtful gift of raw meat and tiger pheromones before visiting this top Highland attraction. The tigers will be enclosed by a high fence and barbed wire but don’t let that fence stand between you and self fulfillment. Who is the tiger? You are the tiger! Also the tigers are tigers.