West Highlands worst for Broadband, best for drinking.

A Scottish Government report has confirmed that the West Highlands are shit for broadband but fantastic for getting shitfaced.

A total of 65.6% of connections in the Ross, Skye and Lochaber constituency fell below the current proposed minimum standard. However more than 80% of pubs in the area surveyed achieved the highest accolades for great craic and soundness.

“Here 4G stands for gin, grouse, goats and girls” said local MP Iain Blackford.

“To me nothing says West Highlands like a morning stroll through the glens before slamming an entire bottle of port”.

“Our heritage must be protected, if you can’t drink Broadband it has no place here”.

Argyll and the Western Isles also remain ace for drams but worse than shit for googling. This had led to calls to establish a UNESCO protected drinking area with an exhibition centre on the isle of Eigg – where the first recorded evidence of a four day sesh was unearthed by pissed archaeologists.