Waitrose to ban incredibly posh soft drinks for incredibly posh under-16s

Middle class food and drinks outlet Waitrose are now refusing to serve posh energy drinks to our future leaders and young royals.

No longer will under-16s who attend private school and own a pony be able to buy a can of “Perkins Pick Me Up” or a diamond encrusted can of Red Bull.

Concerns have been raised that posh young people will simply have their butlers pick up their energy drinks or turn to other vices such as cocaine, ballroom dancing or being elected to parliament.

“Egad!” exclaimed one blazer clad youth like some sort of Dickensian seal.

Waitrose have given assurances  that poor children will still be able to purchase a litre of Red Rooster for 75p in the Farmfoods down the road.