Trident Replacement costs DOUBLE thanks to Gaelic signs MAD-ness

The cost of the UK’s replacement nuclear deterrent has SOARED thanks to the need to have all the bombs and missiles be in Gaelic as well as in English.

The controversial plan, which will see the ancient Highland tongue, spoken by less than 1% of the population, alongside English on the new state of the art missiles, has raised a strong debate within the governing Tory party.

“Is there no end to this teuchterisation MAD-ness. I’m usually all for Nuclear weapons but this is step too far. Is it really the message we want to send to the Russians and the Chinese? We want them to understand it, not need subtitles when the mushroom cloud goes up. What a waste of taxpayers money. We could pay for five Tridents for the amount of money we spend on Gaelic.” said Douglas Liste-Mehmbur, Tory MSP for North East Scotland

However, his party colleague, Jeremy Rice-Smug MP, contradicted him.

“Our submarines face an ever-evolving threat; ISIS, Putin’s Russia and the new Fish-farming facility in Kyleakin.  These are all part of why we desperately need the new “Seonag Class” fleet of submarines with the new BEATHAG missile-warheads to be developed, it’s only right that we celebrate our country’s heritage in this way. If we can use Gaelic whilst obliterating all life on the planet, then they’ll be no shilly-shallying about dead language that, and dead language this, they’ll all be as dead as each other.”

In tribute to the new submarines’ base in the Cowal peninsula, they will also bear the Dalriadan Gaelic greeting “Ciamar a tha u?”