Top 5 Scottish Towns to get drunk in and ruin Christmas

Christmas truly is a time for family. A time to get drunk and avoid them at all costs. Why stay at home throwing cranberries into your sleeping relatives mouths when you could be touring the country with your paralytic party tricks, spreading joy, fear and yuletide cheer.

5. Stornoway – Nobody does that heady mix of shame and booze quite like Stornoway. Stroll the harbor. Fight a seagull. Do impressions of the locals. Already a local? Do impressions of yourself! Cry-dial your ex. Be your best self.

Festive as balls.

4. Aviemore – No visit to this winter wonderland is complete without drunkenly stealing an entire herd of reindeer and attempting to deliver presents to the terrified children of Badenoch and Strathspey.

Imagine this but you are covered in cider and everyone is crying.

3. Ullapool – Ullapool has a handy ready stacked Christmas tree made of creels on which to climb and scream “I AM SEAJESUS”. Take your chance. Fulfill your dreams. Great work is done by people who are not afraid to be great.

Replace the smell of roasted chestnuts with the festive stench of crab.

2. Castlebay – The craic capital of the Western Isles. The drunk population of Barra has been growing steadily ever since Calmac stopped checking for stowaways in the toilets. If your interests include walking into things repeatedly and passing out at mass then Barra could be the canvass on which to paint your masterpiece.

A drunken Calmac ferry seen here staring down Kismuil castle. Truly majestic.

1. Edinburgh – Nobody knows you here. Time to reinvent yourself. Say goodbye to Highland village drunk and say hello to Lowland city drunk. Fight a seagull in the city. Do impressions of the locals in the city. Do impressions of yourself in the city. Cry-dial your ex in the city. Be your best city self.

Ruin it. If not for yourself, then for the children.