Joiner invents D.I.W.I.N.E

Handyman carrying tool box on shoulder and giving the go-aheadJoiner extraordinaire and committed drinker Alex MacBeth from Inverness believes he has found a solution to the age old conflict between getting the job done and being hammered by noon.

Alex made the switch from D.I.Y to D.I.W.I.N.E after managing to install a Drimaster 2000 loft ventilation system while heavily intoxicated using only a pool cue and a Twix.

“D.I.W.I.N.E stands for ‘Do it while inebriated or near equivalent and it has changed my life” says Alex. “Every  job seems fresh new and exciting as I can’t remember having done it the previous morning.”

“People generally don’t know this, but those little cocktail umbrellas they put in drinks where actually invented to keep wiring and loose plaster out of tonic wine.”

We contacted the Highland Trade Guild to get their view on Alex’s new system:

“Look, we don’t care providing he gets the job done and remembers to wear trousers most of the time. Show me somewhere on all of this heavy machinery where it says not to operate while tanning cans and then maybe we might consider taking action.”

“Anyone who has ever managed to paint a whole room while sober is clearly dead inside.”

Alex is clearly undeterred by any potential criticism:

“I had a bit of any incident the other day where I mistook a Mitre saw for my uncle David from Beauly. He’s a good guy so I tried to shake his hand and lost most of mine.”

“But that’s just joinery eh”.