The village which scrapped children

A Scottish village has become children-free after a campaign by local busybodies.

Loch Dubh believes it may be the first village in the UK to halt their existence in all village halls, schools and churches.

Pensioners launched the campaign due to concerns over the environmental impact of local children growing up.

Loch Dubh Pensioner Diane Patricia Middlemarch, 71, said: “There’s no need for local children.

“If you do have children they shouldn’t be residents ones. We’re ruining the peace with rowdy young bairns who’ll grow up and drive around in dual exhaust fiestas and have more children and it’s just not necessary.”

Diane and her partner, Charlie, from the Isle of Wight visited Loch Dubh in September, where they joined their unmarried, dog owning friend, Gill, for a trip to seemingly uninhabited Isle Moluag in Loch Dubh.

They found three local children were keeping open the local primary school when it could be more readily converted into a coffee-shop and art gallery.

‘Bold steps’

The success of their campaign has been welcomed by the Scottish government.

A Scottish government spokesperson said: “Congratulations to the community for recognising the problem of overpopulation and taking action.

“This is an example to communities across the country of the bold steps they can take to ensure we don’t have to spend money on keeping schools open and paying for vital services.”

Hywel Nordkins, a Loch Dubh resident and a member of the local seabird trust, added: “This achievement is wholly down to people power.

“The people went door to door to speak directly to local young parents, and this has clearly had an impact in making them leave by making the place as boring as anything to live in. I’d like to thank everyone involved for taking action after reading our passive aggressive notes about kicking footballs over our fences.”

He added: “Living in the Highlands means we constantly see the impact of people building horrible extensions when we are sitting looking out of our own horrible extensions.

“Finding local children, or indeed incomer children, during ceilidhs in the village hall is particularly frustrating because there are alternative places they could grow up like Inverness.

The initiative in the formerly Gaelic speaking area is being promoted on social media with the Scots hash tag #NaeBairnsAtAw.