Thatcher dress auctioned with “sinister” washing instructions

The wedding dress of the late Baroness Thatcher has been sold for £32,500 at auction with a detailed set of “thoroughly sinister” washing instructions.

Notably the dress is to be washed “in freshly squeezed miners’ tears only” which although hard to come by in Britain’s deindustrialised economy, can be imported from South America at cut price.

The note goes on to specify that the dress must be washed at 42c which is widely regarded in the scientific community as the most sinister of all temperatures.

The mystery buyer was reluctant to be named, though was clearly ecstatic with their latest acquisition of Conservative party memorabilia:

“This historic piece of memorabilia will take pride of place in my collection; between Eric Pickles original Pickle and a signed bag of Michael Portillo’s pubes.”

“And I can assure you that this dress will be in no way used in occult ceremonies to determine Britain’s prime minister. I am almost 60% certain that won’t happen” said Boris Johnson anonymously.