Staring at Foreigners ok in Eilean Siar

New guidelines published by the Scottish Government have reaffirmed that staring at foreigners is not ok under any circumstances unless you are in Eilean Siar, where it is totally fine.

The report recognises the practice as an integral part of Hebridean culture along with things like speaking Gaelic, drinking in the morning, and eating roast dinners every night.

Some people feel threatened by the practice but this is simply the Western Isles way of saying, “I am really happy you are on this bus so I can look at you for fucking ages.”

Contrary to popular belief, staring is not a sign of aggression. If you are full-on-foreign and the islander is not staring at you, it may be an indication that they are about to charge.

“Italians are a very expressive people. The way they wave their hands is poetry to me,” says Maeve MacKinnon, 82 of Solas. “The more you stare the more they wave. Its brilliant!”

“I just want to make them feel welcome in our beautiful islands,” says Iain MacIomhar head of Storas Uibhist.

“Foreigners should expect an equally persistent glare from the Butt to Barra regardless of how funny they look and speak.”

“I want to make sure that foreigners still feel authentically threatened in the western Isles for generations to come.”

“If not for us then as a gift to our children.”