Scottish Tory MPs to be recycled as bait by angry North East fishermen

With the news that Scottish fishing will be sold out to the European Union by the Tory Government in exchange for keeping nice shiny banks in London, and other nice rich person stuff post-Brexit, Scottish Conservatives who represent North East fishing communities have  faced the wrath of their Brexit voting fisher constituents.

Fishermen from Buckie round to Arbroath and down to Crail and Anstruther have started making plans to use the 13 MPs, many of whom were voted in to replace SNP MPs due to their pro-Brexit stance, as bait as soon they possibly can.  Some even gathered outside constitutency offices shouting slogans in Doric and throwing Arbroath smokies and conger eels.

Peterhead fisherman Fraser Meiklehorn was merciless about the betrayal “Ah ken plenty o loons fa ar sair abune this. Aabudy hae ben taken fer a gype. Fan ah see the glaikit meikle-wartle o a Tory that we voted fee tae get ridda thon humpie-backit hoor Salmond nae daein a fash tae stap this ah tak a fyachie feejee.”

“The loons have aa said that fan they see yin o they gutsey bummers that they’ll hurl tha hal-jingbang o them in tae a creel or a net and let the fashes and skurrys and scraths hae ilky wan o them. Ahm nae grippy but it’ll be gye cheaper than the sharn we hae to pay fer bait the noo.”

When pressed by the Gael that he and his colleagues in the industry really should have seen this coming, Mr Meiklehorn saud.  “Its a hoora stamagaster and its fair trachle.”

One Tory MP who asked not to be named told the Gael, “The rich landed gentry types will okay as they can hide in their mansions far from the sea, but us psycho alt-right fellas will be stuffed otherwise cause we’ll all be left to rely on Douglas Ross’ linesman salary as we hide out, with 8 of us in a small one bedroom flat like some Polish workers that we demonised.  I mean,  I may be a Tory but I don’t deserve to die like a common gypsy in the belly of a mackerel.”

“Auntie Ruth and her friends at the Beeb are obviously working hard to keep this out of the mainstream media, because let’s face it we’re not going to rebel on this, got to keep our pals in the City in a job and if that means making sure the Spanish can keep the price of their paella down that’s the price of laissez-faire capitalism. Our only hope is that the industry will be so utterly destroyed by our betrayal that we might only lose David Duguid to the trawlers, and maybe Mundell to a creel or two. Beyond that the only escape would be a nuclear strike from the Russkies but that would merely improve Peterheid I fear.”