Puffins – “See you next year Scotland, it’s been sh*te.”

Scotland’s Atlantic Puffins are gearing up to leave their clifftop colonies and return to sea because they hate it here.

Puffins are widely adored for their cute appearance which masks how pure fecking raging they are at everything being so craggy and wet.

“Call that a fucking Sand Eel by the way” said Larry a Puffin reluctantly residing on the Isle of Staffa.

“I would leave a terrible TripAdvisor review if I had hands and wasn’t so wet”.

Puffins spend the Autumn and Winter feeding at sea before returning to land to breed.

“Hopefully I’ll get eaten by a shark before then” sighed Larry. “That’d be ace.”