Playboy Magazine to be replaced by Uist’s own “Mince and T*tties”.

Following the tragic passing of Hugh ” Viagra Hands” Heffner the community of South Uist has banded together to replace the Playboy smut-rag with its very own – “Mince and Titties”.

“We are going to have beef mince, lamb mince and maybe even turkey mince and of course we’ll have degrading pictures of women to keep the traditionalists happy” said founder and Minister Aladair MacSween.

“These pictures of mince will lead to  heart attacks and half masts up and down the Western Seaboard. I showed it to my friend Donald who was all like – you’ll burn for this Alasdair! – fantastic stuff!  That was before he even reached the Boisdale Babes pullout and our Harris special – Hunnies of Horgabost.”

“It won’t all be pictures of scantily clad women and big heaps of mince. Our focus will always be quality journalism…about boobs and mince.”

The first edition of Mince and Titties will be rolled out across Europe this Saturday accompanied by two unrefrigerated Bell’s Curry Pies and a colour by numbers picture of Isles’ MSP Alasdair Allan.