Local lad still indulging his girlfriend’s delusion that their dog is their kid

Local mechanic Gary MacKay and girlfriend Sheila-Marree recently bought a pitbull and called it Rory.

Sheila-Marree sent herself a mother’s day card recently with an inked pawprint from Rory, and has ensured that she schedules at least one Snapchat story a day dedicated to Rory with all the coloured heart emojis.

Gary stated “If it keeps her off pestering me for a scrote then it’s well worth it. Happy to pose with the caption “Me and my two boys”. Already got one to a lassie in Maryburgh, don’t want anymore. I’ll happily put up with it eating shit in the park then Sheils making me let Rory lick my open mouth. Benefits are taking the dog for a walk keeps Sheils in trim, and just like a real kid we dump him on the grandparents when we can’t be arsed.”

Sheila-Marree’s mother Janice said “If I have to babysit that dog one more time whilst they jet off for a trip to Alicante again for wine and selfies, I’ll be disowning them.”

“I’m actually glad they have a dog, I’ve seen how they’ve looked after this one and through generally spoiling it with tweed jackets and its own Instagram profile whilst simultaneously not bothering to toilet train it or stop it leaping up on passerbys who really don’t believe Sheila-Marree’s passive-aggressive reassurances that he’s alright really, I’ve seen that the two of them can’t be trusted with my grandchildren.”

However, the continuation of Janice’s bloodline, which extends back at least two generations to Hilton is in safe hands.

“My boy Darren though is putting in a power of shagging. His partner Michelle is on her fifth. It’s costing me a hoora money in Christmas presents. Maybe I should get him fixed when I take Rory to the vets.”