Landowner Confirms Hating You

A prominent highland landowner has expressed concerns that his tenants think he likes them:

“I am a man who respects and honors the traditions of my forefathers and that tradition hates your families” says Tarquin MacDougall fourth Earl of Lewisay.

“I simply don’t know what to do. I am desperate for  these people to leave, but the colonies seem reluctant to take a fresh influx of dole monkeys and Tesco cashiers. ”

MacDougall has previously been accused by the local press of being an “opulent tweed covered heap”.

However the earl was quick to respond to criticism:

“I would fill you homes with bags of carrots. I literally don’t care. Just fuck off”.