Jubilee Special – What the Hebrides owe to Queen Elizabeth

Can’t believe that Jubilee Week (Seachdain nan Lizard) is here already? Here is a list of our top 5 favourite things the Queen has done on her visits to the islands:

1. She told a seagull to fuck off at Lochmaddy Harbour in 1975. The seagull was renamed Ealasaid in her honour.

2. She fought and killed Hercules the Bear in a disagreement about a Salmon in Carinish.

3. She reminded everyone in Barra, Vatersay, Eriskay and South Uist that Catholics can’t be queen using one of those wee planes with the message.

4. She single-handedly defended the Isle of Lewis from the Isle of Harris using a razorclam shell and a binbag filled with red diesel in 1974

5. She unchained and rechained swingparks on the Sabbath using much stronger chains. These chains still hang in swingparks across the more serious islands 50 years later and ensure that nobody has fun or goes to hell.

Cuidich ‘n Rìgh? Nah, foc a’ Bhan-righ!