Jim Murphy Caught Potholing A9


The Scottish Labour Party leader has become embroiled in fresh scandal in the run-up to the general election, after being caught deliberately potholing on the A9 between Blair Atholl and Pitlochry.

Mr Murphy was discovered sledgehammer in hand at a local service station, screaming about the end of the working class in Scotland. Although alone at the time of incident, Mr Murphy was accompanied by a life-sized hand-drawn cardboard cutout of former SNP transport minister Keith Brown, with which he was engaged in heated argument.

“The SNP have once again shown contempt for the people of Scotland by failing to repair a 50-mile stretch of potholes gifted to the people of Blair Atholl by Jim Murphy,” shouted Jim Murphy. “The separatists claim that we have lost the plot but the fact of the matter is that we need a strong voice in Westminster in order to prevent this sort of incident.”

Despite expectations that his party are set to lose scores of seats in the coming election, Murphy remains remarkably upbeat:

“I want to demonstrate to voters that I would sooner burn Scotland to the ground than see an anti-nuclear anti-austerity left-wing Government elected in Scotland that isn’t run by me or one of my friends.”

Mr. Miliband was asked for comment but is believed to be busy giving zero fucks about Murphy and practising his thousand-yard stare.