Old idiot in car and his shrivelled sycophant seem to think that they are original by slagging Invergordon.

With an increasingly irrelevant web-cam career to maintain, Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond have stirred controversy by slagging off Invergordon on their latest addition to their Grand Tour show on Gamazon Prime.

Firstly the Daily Gael can only say how bloody well dare they! These clown faced arch-Brexiteers coming up, whipping up round Kylesku for a couple of scenery porn shots, but instead making some jokes about hypodermics in the Easter Ross Marseille, that’s been the Daily Gael’s go to filler article for four years. Stealing our schtick like any classic colonisers coming up and nicking our natural resources – Jezza and the Hamster definitely put the colon in coloniser.

Before internet roasters pile in, we feel entirely entitled to poke fun at Invergordon because our great-auntie Peigi Effie moved to Saltburn after her husband Bill passed away and we spent one Sabbath every two months eating dry scones and reading 2 Kings before the long drive home to Breakish via Gairloch for some reason.

But thanks Jeremy so much for saying how fucking lovely Sutherland looks! It’s nice when there are no people because of the Highland Clearances and wankstick modern day landlords like the Duke of Westminster and Paul Dacre, and you can also close the road to film so the single track roads which are now rammed with caravans and hipsters crammed into a Fiat Uno because the NC500 is just the same shitey roads that were always there and someone just made it up are empty for you to do a couple of drive by shots near Durness.

What’s that? Did ye drive the NC500 aye? We did that bollocks back when you were test-driving Fiat Cinquecentos on the old Top Gear with Tiff and Quentin, and not filling the tiny brains of soft-headed petro-wanks in every small town about how a Maserati is shite compared to a Lamborginhi when all the best they can hope for is a souped up Ford Focus with LEDs, a big exhaust, and a bottle of Cherry Cola flavoured vaping liquid before they get Ashleghy their 17 year old hairdresser girlfriend pregnant and they call their kid Arianne-Khoala and have to buy a Kia Duster.

If you buy into Clarkson and Hammond’s crap then fair enough, it’s a free country. After all it’s all just “japes” and “quips” from these shrivelled gammons in blue jeans, cynically rubbing out tired old stereotypes as if they’ve descended from a Ford Probe shaped alien space craft as the Ubermensch (ooh-err, a bit too Krauty for Jezza that one perhaps) of the Home Counties Master-Race with James May standing on the outside saying ‘easy now lads, not sure if we can say that, oh dear’ giving some type of respectable veneer for the hate-filled arrogance, bullying condescension and tired old format.

Sadly, Stewart Lee took most of the good lines about Top Gear in his 2009 tirade and seeing as this piece is about originality you should just check it out.

Still, Invergordon is shite. Well said Jez.