Isle of Skye Goes it alone

skylands

The Isle of Skye has declared itself the world’s newest state after a secret referendum in a “lovely barn.”

Widespread confusion followed as independence supporters first attempted to destroy the Skye bridge, then blocked it with a tractor, then urinated off the side.

After hours of struggling a big sign saying “Fuck of Lochalsh” was erected and immigration officers promptly returned to the pub. The Skye Bridge DMZ is closed to high sided vehicles as expected.

A plebiscite will be held in Portree “soonish” to determine what the new republic will be called.

Officials at Scotland’s Gaelic collage and the local council are recommending the island’s poetic Gaelic name “Eilean a’ Cheò” meaning island of mist.

However a popular grass roots campaign has emerged in favour of “Balls-to-the-wind-istan”.

“The wind on our balls  is the glue that unites our glorious nation” according to Dàibhidh MacIlleathain a prominent drunk and community councillor.

The Republic’s army; Eachann MacDonald issued this warning to the rump British state:

“An F-16 fighter jet or a long range missile defense system is no substitute for a good square go. Bring your Scud missiles into any pub in Kyleakin and we’ll see who the global super power really is.

A spokesperson from the Ministry of Defence dismissed the claims but did express concern that the entire population of Kent who were holidaying on Skye are so far unaccounted for.