Highlands to become Lowlands, Lowlands to become Seabed


Genuine not fake environmental scientists have revealed exciting new predictions for the Highland region in a report on climate change to the delight of some Highland residents:

“I am looking forward to the opportunities presented by everyone coming here to avoid death” said Aviemore resident James Cleland. “I have always wanted to live in a bustling metropolitan centre. So far Aviemore has been a fucking drastic disappointment. Worse than shit”.

However some miserable bastards have expressed doubt about the plans:

“One French car going at 20 on a single track and we all lose our collective shit. We like to spend my summers laughing at coach tours and sheltering from the bitter Highland sun as much as the next racist but I don’t want that interrupted by 4,900,000 refugees” says Maggie MacDonald of Spean bridge adding “and I don’t understand Glaswegians. They talk like angry terriers”.

Southern devils have so far expressed less enthusiasm:

“I am concerned as to how being submerged under billions of cubic tons of seawater will affect local transport and my budding candle business” says Tom Anderson of Broughty Ferry.

“I had to wait 23 minutes the other day to get a bus to Nandos I doubt that being geographically part of the seabed would have improved this much” says Bryan of Corstorphine, Edinburgh.

“It is already quite shit here, I don’t think we will notice. Kirkaldy looks like Leningrad after going 12 rounds with cholera” says Dr.Gillian Leftwood.

It is predicted that residents of the new Highlands will have a great view over the island of North Wales from their capital atop Ben Lomond.

However predictions for the Greater Glasgow area were not so optimistic:

“It will be similar to the little mermaid films” says city planner Greg Thompson.

“But the crabs won’t sing and everyone will be dead”.