Highland Midges Seizing the Day

“Swarming is so mainstream”

Hipster Midges are urging others to “seize the day” before almost immediately perishing themselves.

“We only have one day to seize, so fucking it up would be really embarrassing,” says River Easton, a self-styled hipster Midge from Roy Bridge, Lochaber.

“Our incredibly short life-spans are no excuse for not living every moment to its fullest, and I plan on spending my entire pointless existence amassing a large collection of vinyls song that I secretly hate.”

“Most of us let life slip by us, fluttering around in circles waiting for coach tours to devour. I plan on doing exactly that same thing while wearing excessively altered vintage clothing and riding around on a gear-less bike that barely works and gives you hemorrhoids.”

Other midge subcultures have gained notoriety in recent times, such as last year’s “Goth Midges”, who defied convention by sitting around all day smoking Pall Mall cigarettes and listening to the Cure.