Highland Dad of Two tells the Daily Gael how you can reduce your plastic usage

Dingwall dad-of-two Kevin MacPhee is an unlikely champion for the Reduce Plastic campaign, but the paunchy welder, who had a reasonably successful Ross-shire Welfare League career at fullback has become a legend at cutting out the use of single use carrier bags.

The Gael caught up with him on a tea-break at Skiach Services where he shared his 8 Simple Rules for saving Planet Earth whilst walking around a supermarket and picking up a load of crap you didn’t intend to buy when you walked in.

Rule No 1 – Live in the Moment

“It all started when I had to pop in for just one item my partner Shareen wanted around the time that 5p bag thing came in, and it just grew from there.”

Rule No 2 – A Strong Foundation

“First of all you need a good base, a box of Crunchy Nut, or any other cereal that comes in large sizes is good. then pile up the bacon, meat products, you need a layer of that.”

Rule No 3 – Can Do Attitude

“Cans can be tricky, sometimes I just take a whole pallet, maybe six or seven cans of the same brand of beans, and slip that on top of the meats. If it’s a BOGOF all the better.”

Rule No 4 – Be True to that Wu-Tang Clan Pinkie Ring S***

“Hook the milk carton on your middle finger, if you’re one of those weird Tescos though with the fruit and veg somewhere in the middle things can get a little hairy, but with luck you can hook a small bag of spuds on your pinkie.”

Rule No 5 – Wrap Up Warm

“You need to be careful at the frozen aisle, if you place a Chicago Town Pizza improperly you’ll get a hoora frostbite, my pal Garry lost a nipple last year trying this. But all being said and done, a couple of loaves under each oxter and yer cooking with gas gudge.”

Rule No 6 – Just Say No

“The young loon at the till will offer you a bag – that is where your resolve will be tested – just smile and say “No worries bud, just popping it straight in the car.”

Rule No 7 – Work Those Abs

“Now it’s all about using your core to maintain balance, don’t make eye contact, if anyone asks “What’s the craic mun?” on the way back to your motor, just say “Yer seeing it bud.” and keep on going.”

Rule No 8 – Go On, Take A Drink

“Don’t fuck around though if there is drink involved. You don’t want to be the clear-up on the booze aisle guy. Also, always double-bag your booze, but remember to recycle.”