High Winds bring Shit Craic from South

Last night’s high winds have carried North a large front of shit craic from the South East.

The Met office has issued a red “shit craic lads, stay indoors eh” warning to due what has been described as unprecedented “Alan Titsmarsh discusses farmers markets” levels of the affliction:

“Keep it indoors lads, if the situation disnae improve just start Skyping your best lads and random Irish familes”.

Good craic is an elusive state of being, thought thought by scientists to lie somewhere between saving your mate that last sup of warm Tenants lager and finding out your favourite Uncle is your Da. 

Meanwhile in the South East itself a front of “pure animal passion and adultery” has swept across Kent from Northern France leading to confusion, and never before seen shagging related delays at the channel tunnel.

This is the first major shit craic warning issued since 2015 after Ian MacRury brought his companions to a candle making workshop instead of the previously arranged “Buckie and swedgers” in an industrial estate.