Government to solve Harris ferry problem by declaring it “just part of Lewis”

With the Scottish Government saying they won’t pony up an extra 800 grand to give the Isle of Harris an economic lifeline ferry service on Saturdays, an official response has been forthcoming.

“All these Hearachs have been moaning about too many tourists for years, and about Mezzanines as well. They should be getting on their knees and thanking us for this funding decision.” said a spokesmperson for South Angus (No Ferry) constituency MSP and Transport Minister Graeme Dey as they dealt with a question over whether this will be the deathknell for the self-catering industry on their changeover day.

“We’re getting hoora stick for this. So we said fuck it, we’re taking the boat and you’ll get focall. Let’s just end the ridiculous situation of having two islands on the same landmass and call the whole thing Isle of Lewis.”

“See how you like them apples. Oh sorry, you don’t know what apples are in Harris? Because you don’t have any trees? Lol. You can take the MV Loch Covid from Stornoway if you have to, or if you really want to drive through all the Skye potholes, go over from An t-Ob to North Uist and grab the Hebrides from there.”

When asked about the inevitable devastation that this decision will have upon an already fragile Gaelic community; “It was either that or nuke it, but Patrick and Alison from the Greens wouldn’t be up for that because it would make it uninhabitable for wolves as well.” they said in closing