Gin Galore! All Islands to launch their own gin by 2020


With the Isle of Skye Gin following swiftly in the steps of the highly successful Isle of Harris Gin, other islands in the magical Hebrides are getting in on the act.

The residents of the isles of Todday and Struay are the first to have taken steps to producing their own version of the lighter spirit with botanicals taken from the local area. The first new still to open is that on the Isle of Struay, famous as the location of the documentary about a delinquent child, Katie Morag.

Mr MacColl, formerly postmaster on Struay, and father of a large brood of ginger haired children who has made the career jump to the expanding drinks industry said, “We saw what was happening in other islands, and decided that all you need is to slap the name of an island on a nice looking bottle and people will go totally craicte for the stuff. We’d describe the Struay Gin as mostly White Spirit with some seaweed, some salt and a bit of mint thrown in. It’s a nice bottle with a picture of Katie Morag on it though, so we’ll be charging around £40 a bottle.”

In Todday, famous for the events of Whisky Galore, the locals have always had a tumultuous relationship with the demon drink, and had originally planned to distil their own whisky until realising that it would take at least five years to drink, come to market. Instead, they have launched The Toddach, said to be as smooth as a ride on the new Loch Seaforth ferry.

Callum Ian MacCallumIain, manager of the Todday Still said “Gin is great, it’s like whisky, but for women. They tell us that our gin goes well with a slice of avocado, but as the local co-op sells them at £2.50 each, nobody is willing to spend that amount of money to find out, even if the Calmac boat arrives with the shipment on time that is.”

Mr MacCallumIain isn’t concerned about Gin Galore being a bad thing in a crowded market place, “There’s plenty of room for more gin on the market. Our market research shows that West Highland and Hebridean women above a certain age find it liberating to hide their alcoholism in plain view by posting beautifully designed empty bottle after empty bottle on social media on a weekly basis. We have to tap into those cries for help.”

Indeed, official research by the Scottish Womens Alcohol Level League Survey (SWALLYS) shows that only Barraich have been immune from this fad, as they are proud of their alcoholism and see drinking as natural as breathing so don’t bother posting the fact on instagram.

The Struay Gin and The Toddach are not available as there is now a shortage.

In other news, every cèilidh band on the West Coast will be launching their own whisky over the next twelve months, knowing that everyone who has ever seen them in the Teuchter Triangle will buy a bottle because they are, as stated by a famous Park Bar raconteur “great craic on the scatter”.