Gaelic Bashing: The fun new sport for twats

A new sporting craze is spreading like wildfire amongst the nations twats. Gaelic Bashing is a popular new solo or team sport involving the participant slapping their keyboard like a sea lion trying to tie shoes until bigotry falls out.

Other twats then leap into the fray with made up facts and shit spelling to congratulate each other about their originality, perceptiveness and complete lack of respect for speakers of an ancient living language who have kept the flame of tradition alive in the face of countless hardships.

“It’s just Garlic innit” says a leading twat in the field. I just feel that it is really important in this day and age to remind the 57,000 Gaelic speakers that they don’t actually exist. Last week I was personally forced to erect three Gaelic signs on my own head. Load of shite!”

“I fear and despise anything that I don’t understand. I like my world small and hateful just like it is, thank you very much.”

The Gaelic development  board have been quick to respond to the new craze:

“We fully support the growth of sport among the chronic and insufferable twat minority. Twats make up roughly 1.1 percent of the Scottish population which of course makes them totally fair game for any amount of shite you can throw at them.”

“We would suggest however that the game could be vastly improved by having competitors shove the road signs and helicopters up their arses before commenting on them.”