Facebook mostly just Vegans and Farmers being rude to each other now

Researchers at the UHI campus in Poolewe have discovered that 87% of all Facebook traffic in the last month has been people posting pro and anti Vegan shitposts.

Vegan January was a big social media sensation with people giving up meat like some type of secular Lent for the Damned. This meant that militant vegans have acted like the whole world has jumped on to their no butter, no honey, nothing that casts a shadow bandwagon, whereas most of these people were thinking of cutting out something other than booze, rather than the carbon cost of eating imported soy, or the horror of a cow being hung upside down and having its throat slit then chopped into bloody red chunks.

Characterised by low-res graphics, poorly thought-out analogies and bad spelling, the memes and shitpost have seen both sides resort to the type of behaviour that means any normal folk left on Facebook have pretty much done an “unfollow but stay friends” move on them because let’s be frank most people are neither vegan or a farmer.

Donaidh Beag, a young crofter from the Western Isles told the Gael “I like vegans but I actually am just really angry about everything and people who don’t eat meat or animal boil my marag! Farmers are the only people who can provide maternity services in some communities. Your welcome.”

Pauline, 34, a vegan and yogic from Carluke said “Farmers are literally swallowing male baby chicks whole as a chaser to their tequila/sambuca cocktails at their Young Farmers Balls. It must stop. Including the word cocktail. Say spirit-flag.”

In other news, the very last under-25 year old in the Highlands who was still active on Facebook shut down her account last night. Asked for her reasoning, Rachel Macfarlane from Kinlochleven said “Mostly because of racist aunties and my dad’s old school teacher commenting in Gaelic on all my statuses.”